Responses to “Presence of Mind”
and “Prerequisite for Salvation”
A clearinghouse of stories about unarmed self-defense

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Bob,

I love what you are doing and send you blessing for it!!!

I’d love to add to your stories, and have been in situations where I was facing over-whelming violence, and by providing eye contact and a calm, confident voice, came out “the winner”, i.e., not only was there no violence but I got my way. (But, I am a Kung Fu master, and in each situation I believed I could probably win a violent confrontation (thus am I “contaminated” for what you are doing)). In each case I was alone, and faced with 6-8 armed men with violent intention, and I knew going in that I could die. Accepting my death gave me the release from fear that allowed me to hold my ground, look the leader in the eye, and speak my ‘truth’. Allowing the leader a way to ‘save face’ and exit gracefully was a key element.

Well, OK, now I’m reminded of a situation before I got into Kung Fu. I was in my 20’s, and heard yelling and something big crashing through a window at my neighbors. I went over to find him being confronted by a pretty out-of-control guy with a very large knife that he obviously knew how to use. I kept eye contact, kept calm, and realized that I was between him and the only exit. So, I got out of his way, he shouted some things to save face, and left waving his knife and violent threats behind him. I was scared, knew I was in over-my-head, and did all I knew to do. Fortunately it was enough.

I wish I could provide you with a story that ended with the salvation of all, but that’s not my case. This story, and other incidents were what decided me to study martial arts. I judge that there are always going to be times that the other person/people are going to be too drunk, to drugged-up, too emotionally enraged or too ‘in-their-head’ for me to be able to touch their humanity. In these situations, I want ‘back-up’.

In fact, the only time I was ever in a violent situation that I couldn’t talk or walk my way out of, was with an ex-pro boxer who was drunk and and in a violent rage. He attacked me with an intent to kill (I had ‘stolen’ his girl friend, always a good reason for murder). Fortunately I had studied martial arts by then, and I “won”. It was a somewhat hollow victory because I hit him so hard that I broke my hand and wrist, and was in a cast for a month. But, my goal was to survive the night, and I did. My learning lessons? 1) If someone is absolutely determined to kill you, a weapon - any weapon - would be good to have; and 2) if you are going to hit someone really hard, aim for soft tissue so you don’t hurt yourself.

So, Bob, my dear brother, these aren’t the stories you are looking for, and I wish I could help, but they are my stories, and I thought that I could at least share something with you. Again, I send you blessings on your great journey. You are a rare and precious man.

Warmest hugs, and loving peace

— RR

***

Many years ago, I took a job at a convenience store out of financial desperation. On New Year’s day night, I was scheduled to work from 10PM to 6AM. About 2:30 AM, a young man, among a number of other people, came into the the store, as the time limit for purchasing alcohol was 3AM. He brought in a large plastic bag full of returnable deposit bottles and cans, and over a certain amount, the person had to sign a register with their name and the amount of the deposit refund they received. After the store cleared out, I sat down behind the counter and continued with my book, but felt a presence in the store.

I stood up, and noticed that this young man was still back near the coolers containing beer. I called out and asked if he needed any assistance, to which he replied that he didn’t. I resumed my reading, and a few minutes later, sensing that he was at the counter, I looked up to find that he was standing there, with his erect penis laying on the counter. At first, I thought it was some sort of joke, ala fake dog doo or fake vomit, but when I looked this person in the eye, I could see that it was not a joke. “Would you be interested?”, he asked me, with a strange, almost somnambulist tone to his voice. I noticed the sweat on his upper lip, and knew this was a “situation”. I kept eye contact, and in the firmest voice that I could muster, told him that he needed to leave immediately. I was not interested, and I was calling the police right away. I very unwisely, at this point, headed to the back rooms of the store, as there was not a phone near the registers, but this seemed to convince him that I wasn’t a victim, and he fled. The police picked him up shortly afterwards, as I was the second person to call in a complaint that evening. He had recently been released from the Oregon State Hospital on previous sex offender charges. I may have become a victim of rape, if not worse, that night.

I really believe that in this sort of situation, you have to be calm and display non-victim attributes if you are going to remain a free person.

— PD

***

Mr. Koehler,

Methinks you stuck your little pink foot in your big liberal mouth this time, Mr. Koehler. What you don’t get here is; the perpetrator “Thought” she was armed. He ran. He might just as well have recognized the glasses, then what? If the perpetrators work an area where there is a good chance that all would be victims are armed - there will be no second guessing. They won’t try it. And that’s what is being proven all over the country with right to own and right to carry. He “Thought” she was armed and that’s all it took. The best thing that could have happened is, if your friend’s mother had shot him in the ass as he was crawling back out the window. It’s the “Thinking” that matters. It’s the wondering if the person I am about to violate might be armed that matters. The full knowledge that a community is an armed community will drop the crime rate to nearly zip. I know. I live in one. And, I am a retired police officer. Presence of mind is a better defense? Presence of mind coupled with a handgun and the knowledge of how to use it are far better defenses. In your world we would arm everybody with a pair of glasses, so we could aim at them and go “Boom”

— LH

***

Hi, Bob,

Thanks for the high-quality column. It makes an interesting read also for people from another continent.

I just walked home from a bar, here in Helsinki (Finland), and an unknown guy suddenly gave me a finger at crossroads and started shouting obscenities at me. This pissed me off, and I replied to his finger-gesture in a similar manner. Then he stopped and proposed we do a bit of dancing together, obviously referring to fighting. I stopped and asked him what his problem really is, why this behaviour? The guy turned and walked away instantly.

The question “How to reach the human in the aggressor” is interestingly put. I have a rather biological view of humans and see us mainly as complex animals - I would even strongly question if such a thing as free will exists in us. But at least this guy seemed to calm down when he had to think about what he is doing, instead of acting on aggressive instinct alone. Perhaps logic, although often buried deep in people like him, but still somewhere there, can help solve tricky situations.

— JM

***

Hi, Bob,

This happened about 13 years ago. I sleep in with my infant daughter when I heard the sliding door to my apartment opened. It could not have been my husband because he was at work. I decided that if the person intent to harm me than I’d rather face him in my living room than in my bedroom. I waited a few seconds because I was scared. Then I opened my bedroom door, there he was standing in my living room. I looked at him and asked, “Why are you in my apartment?”. He just mumbled, “Your door (front) was open”. He lied my husband locked the door before he left to work. Then the guy just left. I sat down trying to compose myself. I checked the sliding door, it was pried open.

— SS

***

Hi Bob.

Great column. I will post something about it when the time comes ...

In the meantime, here’s a true story from my dim and distant past

My old friend Matt and his friend Jim were in a bar one night in Buffalo ... They were both Canadians who liked to go over the border to drink because the bars stayed open later in NY than in Ontario. Matt is pretty opinionated and very bold at times, but he has enough sense to keep his mouth shut when it’s called for. Jim is at least as opinionated but without enough sense to shut up, ever... Jim was the sort of guy who would get his kicks going to a foreign country and pissing people off ... anyway, they went to Buffalo together one night and Jim got drinking quite a bit as usual and as usual he got ragging on somebody for something ... I don’t remember what it was; nothing important, just teasing him and pissing him off ... pretty soon the other guy gets up and leaves but Jim’s still not happy ... so he follows him out to the parking lot, still yammering away, with Matt trailing behind trying to shut him up ... the other guy climbs into a pickup truck and Jim keeps on after him, gets right in the guy’s face ... till the guy pulls a gun ... and he sticks the barrel right in Jim’s nose!

So Jim says: “HEY! COOL!! YOU WANNA SELL THAT??” and the other guy starts laughing and says “ GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!” and Jim and Matt started laughing too, but they also got the fuck out of there as fast as they could.

Honest to God.

Thanks very much for everything and best wishes as always.

— WP

***

Hi Bob

OK You asked for this. I actually forgot about it until your column today. It is crazy.

About 10 years ago Lou had a particularly stressful day (that being the usual day really means stressful) He comes in and says “let’s go to Frankies, I need a drink and a nice quiet dinner” Kim was with her boyfriend and didn’t want to come with us. Frankies was this nice neighborhood Italian restaurant where you know everyone , friendly and a place to relax, they knew what you ordered , you know the kind.

It was actually about 9pm and as we driving over (a little north of the hotel you stayed in when you were here) and I remembered I had $2000 cash that I didn’t get deposited that day and it was in my bag but no big deal. This was the neighborhood. We pull up and there are no parking spaces in the front and the guy that parks the cars was gone already so we pulled toward the back, the lot was half lit, normally there are a few police cars hanging around at the gas station next door. As I was getting out of the car I felt a presence in the shadows and I started walking quickly as Lou was locking the car I heard loud voices. I heard Lou yelling but when I turned I could see two black guys, tall & thin and young, probably 15 & 16. They were yelling “I got your keys”. “I got your keys” I couldn’t see very well and figured this is stupid, are they going to steal the car? I started yelling to anyone around “call the police, call the police” (no cell phones then) FINALLY, after what seemed like forever Lou starts coming toward me, he was giving them a hard time and they were not yelling “I got your keys” but “I got a piece” (gun) I didn’t see it which is why I did not freak out. I didn’t want to go back for fear they would grab my purse, and Lou just yelling at them they never said anything ...i.e. give me your ring, watch , money..........they were probably thinking are we going to really shoot this guy, they never said to do anything and they ran. Lou was bound and determined to catch them but all I wanted was to go inside and by the way....where are the cops??? Why didn’t someone call them??? When we got inside the owner was there and I said “why didn’t someone call the police? Didn’t you hear me screaming? “ He said “oh we thought it was something domestic (thanks a lot) calm down let me buy you a drink”....now the next day both Lou and I apply and attend a concealed weapons permit class. The cop teaches the 2 hour class and then you can buy a gun and carry it. He did say to me “you better get a 38 because you probably will only have one shot and then you better just do it, if you think about it the guy will use your gun on you. A smaller gun, say a 22, a guy can handle 3 bullets and keep coming. Great , also be sure you are in imminent danger (thanks) so the following day I buy a nice 38 smith & Wesson and never carried it because I thought I will surely either kill someone or they will grab it and kill me but I did carry the permit! That evening if Lou hadn’t had a bad enough day that topped it off! I don’t really know how I would have acted if I knew the 2 kids had a gun to Lou’s head and I think you are right, Lou scared them, the Italian in him was so mad he couldn’t be scared, it worked but I don;t think it was intentional.

One other short TRUE story, years before I knew Lou he was representing an Italian guy that was sort of a Soprano type. He had to go to NY to see a witness who happened to be in Harlem, The cab driver wouldn’t wait for Lou. Lou goes in a four story walk up in the worst pace in Harlem, the guy isn’t there on the way down 2 big guys come out with a gun and they are going to rob him, maybe kill him (it was the 60’s) Lou points his finger and in the most menacing way as only Italians can do, said “if my people ever find you and I can lift a finger you are dead”....believe it or not they left him alone. When I heard this story and years later met the client I said “yeah but if they killed you, you would have been dead” He said “what else could I do?It worked! “They must have figured his client was a big guy, and he was but still....................it is a true , crazy story. Lou always says to me “don’t panic” Hmmmmmmmm.........

— JV

***

My ex girlfriend was a street worker with messed up youth. That woman had huge faith in goodness and no fear. Late one night, a kid she had been working with and who had a crush on her came into the office and pulled a ‘gun’ on her (it was a starter pistol — this IS Canada — but she wouldn’t know a flintlock from an RPG) and told her he wanted to get transit tickets, which she kept in her desk. If she didn’t give them to her he would kill her. She refused. For transit tickets! She had faith in her relationship with him and did just what your friend did — locked onto his eyes. He gave up and left. The next day, she gave him shit and he hung his head and apologized. I asked her, Why? I mean, lose your life over TRANSIT TICKETS. She said she couldn’t allow him to win, because then she would have no influence over him and wouldn’t be able to help him.

I have had a few encounters myself when I was a mental health worker or a taxi driver, tho the guns were referred to, not pulled on me. Not as noble because I just wanted to survive. They always came out okay, obviously. I really believe in that power of locking into the humanity through the eyes.

— BS

***

i am a psychiatrist. i was treating a combat survivor for ptsd related issues. he had an argument with his wife and had gone into “combat mode”. i was sitting in my study when he broke into my house, marine k-bar in his hand, ready for violence. i also went into the hyperalert, engage the attacker mode. the difference was that i had training for this, so didn’t experience fear when the episode was happening. i was unable to distract the man from his violent intent until i thought to say, “you know, i’m going to have to call your wife and tell her you’re here at nine o’clock at night.” at this he immediately sat down on one of my chairs and started crying. his wife eventually came and got him, and the episode was over. the next day, i went out to the garage and saw that the man had taken the axe used to split wood and slammed it so hard into the chopping block that no one could extract it. THEN i got scared, really scared. it took a while before i settled down again.

end of story

***

Hi, Bob!

I had a moment similar to the ones your friends described in your article.

When we were in our single 20’s, my best friend and I used to meet on Thursday nights at an Irish pub in Wilmington, Delaware. Wilmington kind of rolls up the downtown sidewalks at 5PM, but our pub was near I-95 and was next to a well-lit parking lot and we were too young to worry about it, anyway.

On this particular night, we drove into the lot at about the same time. I found a spot closer to the pub, waved to my friend, got out of my car, locked it and proceeded to the pub.

As I reached the sidewalk, a shady-looking fellow approached me from behind a telephone pole. In a flash, I remembered another friend, who owns a karate studio and teaches women’s self-defense, who said, “Never looked down and away from anyone! Eye contact is the best deterrent.” I took her advice, made eye contact with this guy, smiled and said, “Hello!” He said, “Hi,” and nodded. My friend was not so lucky - I’m guessing she looked down and away as we all do when passing a stranger on the street. The fellow mugged her and stole her purse.

Now, the good thing about the pub we went to is that it was also a favorite of off-duty police and parole officers. As soon as my friend told some of the patrons what had happened, they ran out after our fellow. Our fellow made the mistake of tossing things out of my friend’s purse as he ran, so he was easily caught.

— PM

***

I was out on a first date in Huntsville, Alabama one night. I drove my date back to his apartment from the restaurant. He began to sexually attack me in my car in the parking lot of his apartment. I knew he was a lot bigger than me and I didn’t have a chance if I tried to physically resist him. So I said, “Ok, ok, let’s at least go inside your apartment and do this.” That made him stop, move off of me to look to see if I was serious. At that point I looked at my watch and said, “So about how long do you think this will take, like 5 minutes? 10? I have a lot to do tonight.” He became so insulted that he got out of the car, raging at me, and stomped away to his apartment.

— LW

***

My friend was in a shopping center parking lot one morning at about 11 am with the window down in her car, waiting for someone when she looked up to see a gun in her face held by a young man in his late teens. She looked at him and said, “Does your mother know you’re doing this?” He apologized and went away. She doesn’t think he will do that again.

— MM

***

Very interesting Bob... thankfully I haven’t had such an encounter. But last Sunday, I unknowingly stepped over a rattlesnake (that must have been asleep)... I bent down to toss some gravel back where it belonged and near my right hand and in both ears came the unmistakable rattle.....instead of doing what I was supposed to do (step back quietly - in which case I would have rolled down my ravine) I ran like “hell”, falling headlong into the gravel in my back yard. I turned around to see if the snake was following me and saw that it was coiled on the rocks, shaking its rattle vigorously, warning me to get up and get out. I got up and did a sprint (very unusual for me), got onto the deck and closed the gate, to see a three footer slithering away across the gravel. Only then did I fully assess my bruised and slightly bleeding knees and arm.....

Later that day (as I re-lived the ordeal in my mind), it began to thunder outside. After about a half-hour, I decided I’d better go out and turn off my fountain since lightning was likely in the area. To my surprise, when I opened the back door, a beautiful bobcat was stationed at the other water dish, drinking. I was mesmerized and knew if I went in to get the camera, it would likely leave. I talked to it very quietly, telling it was o.k. and to drink all it wanted. Its green eyes never left my face and once it had its fill, it walked down the stairs, out into my back yard and down the ravine. Only then did I get to see the size of the big “kitty” - bobbed tail, tufted ears and all. The animals are desperate for food and water because of our intense heat and prolonged drought....

I guess I didn’t have presence of mind in the first instance - just fear - but in the second episode, presence of mind took over and I just talked calmly to something that was a wild and beautiful creature.

— BC

***

From SmirkingChimp.com:

The Reality

This is an issue that needs to be addressed in the future, if indeed America survives the coming upheaval. It is simply not realistic to contemplate a reduction in armed civilians at this most dangerous time in the history of our republic.

Every lawful American has a right to bear arms and the right to defend themselves and their families. It is not the criminal element in society that we should now be addressing in this discussion on firearms, but the government and corporate plans to enslave America and the role civilian firearms will play.

Robert S. Finnegan
Managing Editor
Southeast Asia News

***

excellent example

The horn-rimmed glasses story is an excellent example of a creative solution.

What you ignore is that the threat was believable only because it was possible (maybe even probable) that she really did have a gun.

The problem is that the "myth of redemptive violence" is more accepted by anti-gun nuts than by people who own and use guns. Lot's of people day dream about starring in "High Noon". No one who actually understands violence wants to be there.

— Gerard Pierce

***

Reality = Horeshockey

The myth of the armed citizen protecting themselves is one that the NRA and their mouthpieces like Wayne (no thanks, I'll skip Vietnam as well) Le Pierre like to foster on the American public. Some real facts that fly in the face of this:

- Law enforcement officials will always state that a criminal, when confronted by someone with a gun, will shoot first. Criminals have less to lose.

- Over 90% of the robberies of the home in this country occur when people are not home. If a handgun is found the criminal will steal the gun as well as your 1951 Willie Mays rookie card. Anywhere from 275,000 to 325,000 handguns are stolen out of people's homes every year. If you are a criminal it's not cool to be unarmed.

- For every American that defends themselves successfully anywhere from 10 to 12 will wind up in city morgues or hospital emergency rooms trying to defend themselves. The pro-gun types should have those kinds of odds in the lottery.

- Law enforcement officals will advise that, if confronted by someone with a gun, either run away or give them what they want. Die Hard scripts don't play out real well in the real world.

- A home with a gun in it is over twenty times more likely to have a domestic dispute leading to violence than a home which doesn't have a gun in it.

My father worked for the Internal Revenue Service and was a licensed law enforcement official. I asked him once if he would use his gun to defend us in our home. He said no. I asked him why. He said because the other guys would shoot first. Let them take whatever jewelry, electronics, dishes or whatever they want, he said, we can replace those but I can't replace my family. I'm sorry about reaching an emotional appeal here; after all I know the NRA never does that when they call handgun control supporters "communists" and "Fascists."

The problem in this country is the insane total of over 200 million handguns and the easy availability of military style weaponry which no member of the public, even hunters, have any reason to own. We experience a 9-11 every six weeks in this country with gun violence. The sooner we begin to establish realistic parameters for ownership and useand not the phoney and unsubstantiated claims of "Second Amendment" rights which don't exist the quicker we will move to a reasonable resolution of the gun problem and the elimination of the idea of "redemptive violence."

— Chrisdutch

***

Thankyou

Yes, the macho "I will kill someone rather than give up my TV" BS is such a lame bore. The few people capable and able to really defend themselves without freaking out also only need one gun to do the job. Anybody only can shoot 2 guns at a time... one in each hand...if they are so very proficient as to be able to do so. But we have NINE guns for every man, woman and CHILD in this country. How many infants need 9 guns? Of course not every man woman and child own 9 guns so the reality is there are way more than 9 guns for every gun nut.

And this seems OK to you people? It's as insane as all those "cars kill people too" arguments and the paranoid "they want to take away all our defenses!" whine.

No one wants to make guns totally illegal [well a few...a very few]. But it's obviously time for some sense to come in and block all this crazy hyper-emotional paranoid love affair with the gun. It's wrong that a dude with a rap sheet a mile long should be able to mosey into a tent show and walk out with his 9 guns. It's nuts. It's not right and you all know it.

The NRA used to be a helpful and respectable institution devoted to making gun ownership safe. But now they're just a shill for the Repugs and are only concerned with advancing Right Wing divisive and unworkable policy. How low they have sunk! [They called me once with some recorded spiel from the then president of the NRA about Hillary Clinton demanding on the senate floor terrorists have guns. When I asked if I could hear a recording of this speech by Clinton, they didn't have one... of course.]

The USA spends more money on defense than ALL other countries on the planet combined. Now we see there are 9 guns for every man woman and child in the USA. No wonder everyone hates us. We are obviously NUTS!

— Smartalex

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